Do you know I am here with you?

Oh my goodness... walking back just now I didn't know if I would be blogging about this and was praying about whether or not I should. For one there is no possible way I can adequately express what just happened to me, also though it was so good and tender and sweet that I was wondering if it should just be between me and God, but as I was walking back I remembered that I needed to email my Soul Revolution Group to remind them of some stuff. As I was emailing them it just poured out of me so I am going to paste below what happened:

My hands are frozen right now because I was just outside for a couple of hours taking a walk with God. Can I just encourage you in this... whatever you felt God talking to you about last night in our group or lately, please take a couple of hours in the next few days to meet with just Him. What He just did in my heart and the renewing of my spirit is nothing short of amazing.

Every month Gateway gives every staff member a day of Solitude to just be with you and God. Today is my day of Solitude and this morning my plan was to walk to Starbucks, grab my favorite drink and just take a walk and talk with God. This weekend Ryan and I are moving out of our condo and moving into our house and so I wanted today to be about thanking God for this first amazing year of marriage and all that He has done. I wanted to take a walk and celebrate everything and also say "good bye" to living in this area. There is a little church near our house that has always intrigued me when I've been walking and I thought that this morning I would walk, grab my Starbucks and just walk over to that church and linger, you know? Just take it slow.

So, as I'm walking over there, I walk around outside and I just keep walking deeper and deeper into their property which is set back with lots of huge, beautiful trees. I walk up to a labyrinth on the back of their property and just start walking it slowly ... all of the sudden I am remembering last night when we were doing that exercise and sensing God asking me, "Do you want me to do that again?" and I responded yes because I felt He was asking me about the weight and peace and rest I felt in doing that exercise. As I am walking slowly, leisurely I just feel that weight and peace come back and it was so good. For minutes I was walking in stillness and then would just talk to Him about whatever came to my heart. I was talking freely to Him about things that had been on my heart/burdening me and then I would just continue to walk in stillness and 'clear mind' … Then I felt Him ask, "Do you know that I am with you? Do you feel me with you?" It was the SAME thing I felt He had said to me last night when we were all being still and I felt then that Jesus was saying, "I am with you. I am right here." So, today when He said that, He just kept saying it and I was weeping openly and thanking Him for wooing me to this place to walk with me and show me that. I had forgotten that He literally walks with me EVERY day. I hadn't forgotten that He hears my prayers and is powerful, but I haven't been walking knowing He is physically right there with me.

So, I keep walking slowly, aware of His nearness and when I got to the end/middle of the labyrinth there is a stone and I just fell to my knees and wept. I poured my heart out about everything that was there and I just really sensed in my heart He was just stroking my hair and welcoming me back to Himself.

You guys, it was so good. There is no way I can adequately describe what happened except to say that He fully guided my coming there this morning to come back to walking with Him. When I was 'done' crying and being with Him I went inside the church and asked to borrow a Bible, pen and paper and went back out to the rock to sit and read and write. I had a Jesus story in my mind, but couldn't remember where it was, so I opened the Bible and this is one of those Bibles that has side notes that better explain whatever is being said on that page, and I just started WEEPING because this side note said, "What joy for those you choose to bring near, those who live in your holy courts. What joy awaits us inside your holy temple." That is EXACTLY what God did with me this morning!!!

I am still processing how God Himself would be so tender and specific and sweet to draw me near to Himself like that. There is NOTHING that I have done to deserve that kind of love…. His love for me says to me, "Though you may feel you have lost Me, I never lose you. I always know where you are, what you are thinking, what you need and why you are not walking with Me or talking to Me."

Again, I can't even begin to express the depth to which He touched me in this. (my beeper just went off :O) ). He was so gentle to draw me to Himself like that.

Anyhow, that verse was in Psalm 65 if you want to read it later. All of that to say, please take some time to be with Him in the next few days and be willing to walk out whatever you feel He is doing. For me, this morning was just me walking out what I was wanting to do and having the time to walk slowly and walk as I desired. … it led me to an amazing encounter with God. I long for that for all of us. I pray we will give Him the freedom to talk to us/do in us whatever He is working to do. HE IS GOOD and we can trust Him.

As I am wrapping this up, I feel Psalm 16:11 - You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.