Red letter, or really BOLD letter, day... or both?

God changed my life today and it began with Psalm 139. I’m not even kidding. Now if I can just STAY in this!!! GUARD THIS TRUTH!

Let me just be honest and say that I’ve been very bored. Bored across the board. Heh. Seriously though, in our Small Group last week we started this new study and in it you write down ALLLLL of your “I wants.” The next step is to group them together and make a theme. The last step is to take your theme, which is your core desire, and ask the question “Why.” Like, “Why do I desire this?” until you get to the very, very core of what you desire and why it is you desire it.

I.E. I want to travel. Why? Because I like experiencing new people and new things. Why? Because it’s fun! Why? Because I’m created in the image of God and it seems that HE likes variety if He created it. *GASP!* That must mean it’s okay to have these desires!!!

And so it went and so it went… In the ‘final’ stepping back and looking at my core desires I realized I am BORED!

So, then we are in Staff Meeting this morning, and I had forgotten about the study and epiphany up above, we broke up into smaller groups and the first question they asked was, “What is most difficult for you in your current position?” My VERY first thought: I’m bored.

Is that WILD?! I hadn’t even thought about this or realized they were the same until I sat down to blog about the bored at work thing. The REASON I sat down to blog about it is because of what God has done in the 3 hours since I said it out loud.

So, backtracking to this morning, before the staff meeting, I had read Psalm 139 and was SO refreshed and invigorated and excited to be reminded of all of these things! “I see you, I know you, before you were born, etc, etc, etc”

Then, I go to staff meeting and declare, “I am bored.”

So, THEN, this is when God started really opening my eyes and doing His thing. My coworker is leaving staff and she shared something she’d journalled that she felt she needed to share with us. She began to quote the verse where God says, “I can do exceedingly abundantly more than all you could ask or imagine.” And she begins sharing how 1 year ago she had felt strongly called to a certain ministry and how God instead led her to this position where for the past year she has plotted and toiled. She shared how there is SO much that she learned, and could have only learned through this position, that prepared her for the steps that she would take now in this new life God is calling her to.

As she was saying all of this, it was all I could do not to start sobbing crying. I so LONG for that and I so FEEL like I’m in that ‘preparation’ time and just want to weep and cry and have my little tantrum. But what is WORSE:

I know, at least in part, why I am in my current job and I am not being faithful to those things. THAT was the Holy Spirit slap and it hurt and it was good.

Once I came to that, I felt like I needed to grab her and share how impacted I was and when I did, she said, “That’s really weird because I thought about you very specifically this morning… about your first day here.” And shared a bit more. I know who I was then and who I am being now and it only affirmed what God was saying, “Anna, you are not being faithful with where I have you and why I have you here.” But almost more than that, well not MORE, but yes, more. “I see you. I know your every thought. Your every desire. I know your words before you even speak them. I know how you are feeling. I am telling you I have a plan for you in this and it is more than all you could ask or imagine."

And you guys, He has only continued to AFFIRM that for the past few hours. Number 1, I feel LIFE… Holy Spirit continually being filled LIFE! Two, he has given me NUMEROUS opportunities, just since 11:30, to do the things I LOVE to do and be who I feel is ‘most me.’ THEN, to cap it ALL off, I was just asked to teach!!! One of my very core LOVES!!! MY GOSH, LORD! YOU ARE AMAZING!!!

It is like He needed to deal with my sin, and then confirm, “I know you. Be who you are where you are.”

OH my gosh, THAT’S been the big struggle. I don’t feel I’ve been faithful to be WHO I am WHERE I am and it is across the board. NO WONDER I’M BORED…. I HAVEN’T BEEN LIVING IN WHO I KNOW GOD HAS CREATED ME TO BE!

How can we ever LIVE if we aren’t growing in who God created us to be and living in what He has already shared with us? And this is REGARDLESS of circumstance. This is REGARDLESS of job, responsibilities, routines, relationships, whatever… Lord, how can I be who YOU have created me to be and who you DESIRE me to be in this situation? And am I STAYING connected to Him in that? Another verse from this morning’s staff meeting… “Do not be drunk on wine, but be filled by the Spirit.” Our pastor shared it is a CONTINUAL filling … a one stop shop won’t do it. We HAVE to stay connected to continue to be filled with Him.

OOOOHHHHH, man! Oh, Lord, THANK YOU! I NEEDED this!

In ‘closing’ I am remembering what a volunteer said today which, again, confirms what God is telling me and even builds on it. I had been feeling guilty about not being able to spend time with him and he said, “Anna, I do what I do for you because it brings me life. And it brings me life because I know that by setting up tables and chairs, which I really enjoy, you have more time to do what brings YOU to life!” His saying that was I felt the Lord continuing to confirm in me that we are ONE body and when we all walk in being who we were created to be, doing what He is leading us to do, it is BEAUTIFUL.

Please continue build this girl.